"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Wednesday, April 16, 2014

a day in the life of "brennan's mom"

my daily flower from cade swensen.
brennan's best friend from down the street.
once a day, every day.
and then all of a sudden i had an entire pack of boys placing flowers at my feet.
telling me which ones are their favorites and why.
and all about their flower explorations that only cops and robbers can go on.
and naming the ones they knew.
like the tulips they insisted were roses and daffodils and dandelions.
and one that they said smelled like toilet bowl water,
but really i thought it smelled quite nice.
a great day in the life of "brennan's mom."

Tuesday, April 15, 2014

cash is king!

tonight when the thing at the gas station asked for my form of payment, 
i all of a sudden realized that when i was 16 i didn't have a credit card,
and what in the heck did i use to pay for gas back then anyway???
and then as i swiped my card,
entered in my coupon code,
and selected the cheapest gas option i could,
it hit me.
CASH!!!
i used cash!
and then as i stood there freezing my buns off
because i'm past the point of remembering coats to go places at this point in the year,
i sat there trying to figure out if i could actually remember paying with cash for gas.
i can remember standing in line inside Cheaper gas 
or whatever that convenience store was called on kelly and main back then.
and i can remember i didn't have a cell phone to look at while i was waiting in line
so i was probably looking at the video safety cam over the register
seeing if my hair was sticking up
or if toilet paper was sticking to my shoe,
or if i could see my underwear lines through my jeans or something like that.
and i can remember that gas was only 99 cents.
but i can't  for the life of me remember handing cash to the cashier.
even though that was absolutely the way i must have paid.
and did you have to pay before??
or was it after?
and how did they not have a gas theft problem if it was after,
but how do you KNOW exactly how much gas you want to buy until you've actually pumped it?
do you really have to go back inside to get your change if you've over paid or pay more if you've underpaid.
maybe that's why the lines were always so long.
or maybe it was just the cheap gas.
i don't remember it one bit.
excepts for the bits i do.
go figure.

at least we know he's not a serial killer {a thank you note}

Dear Mrs. Ames,
Thank you for giving us 
the mellow group of girls, 
and the quietest boy in the entire Kindergarten.
It made for the best 
Kindergarten zoo field trip 
I've ever been on!
Wait...
Anyway, now I know 
FOR SURE you really do love me.
Because I saw some of the other groups.
God Bless you:)
Love,
Brennan's Mom
P.S.
Also, Brennan was in tears in the snake house.
Like he couldn't even speak because he was stifling a cry that gasped for air, and then burst into an I can't breathe 
because I'm so scared 
and I'm holding my breath so i don't cry kind of cry,
with huge tears rolling out of his big brown eyes.
And I was all whispering in his ears,
"Did you poop in your pants???"
I was panicked because you know,
NO extra underwear-O folks and we're on a field trip at the zoo.
Phew, he shook he his no.
What on earth could it be though???
that's what i was thinking.
and then it hit me.
the upside down turtle.
because the dad in other group was all,
"should one of us flip it back over?"
and i was like,
"i don't think we should touch it."
and he was all,
"they can die if they're on their backs too long."
and i was like,
"really?! wow, i hope someone gets a zoo helper. 
ready to go brennan?"
and the man goes on,
"yeah, they suffocate on their backs because their big shell makes their lungs collapse!!!"
and i'm sitting there giving him the "wow that's interesting" face that i do when people tell me factual stuff.
but mostly i was just trying to bribe the 4yr old and 2yr out of the stinky snake house with fruit snacks and pirate booty and cars for their 16th birthdays--anything to get them away before someone had to start CPR on the upside down turtle.
and that's when brennan started crying.
but he wasn't even that close to us so that's why i thought he pooped his pants because why else would a child burst into tears in the middle of the snake house anyway?!
but you know he didn't poop his pants,
he was just worried about that little upside down turtle dying.
"SUFFOCATING!!!"
and so that's when i said,
"yeah, why don't YOU flip him over, that was a great idea!"
because he was also talking about how his dad raised giant tortoises, and how he was trained in 
flipping them over and stuff like that.
and then i was like,
"don't forget to wash your hands."
after it was clear that the turtle was now safe and sound on the right side of his belly again.
and then brennan told me about how the two turtles were fighting and the one turtle flipped the other turtle over, and that's how it went down.
and on the way out i let the zoo helper know 
we already had it covered.
go us.
so happy that brennan is NO animal killer or torturer.
and that he did not poop his pants.
chase on other hand was completely fascinated,
denying me as his mother on the way out because i dared to pull him away from the front row show of it all.
and then we had to wait on the other side of lawn while the entire group took a picture with the giant metal elephant 
because brennan is still petrified of that darn thing.
going on 5 and 1/2 years folks.
5 and 1/2 years.
note: field trips are so much easier when you're not the teacher that has to ride the bus with 120 kindergartners:)
THE END.
love, emily
whichever;)

the tail though

what does the fox say?
brennan the artist:)
the tail is my favorite part.

Monday, April 14, 2014

from the glow of the hall light behind us.

tonight chase ran into the corner of the wall by the big kid's room.
one minute he was headed for the doorway squealing in pure joy,
and the next minute brennan was jumping out of the dark
roaring like the t-rex in jurrassic park,
and our little carrot top flinched himself RIGHT into the side of the wall.
like SMACK he bounced off of that wall, and then he was down on the ground wailing in agony.
i scooped him up, and he buried his instantly bruised goose egged face into my hair.
and i could smell my hairspray from his breath breathing into my hair so hard,
and i wondered if when my kids were older if that's one of the things they would remember about me.
my Aussie brand hairspray smell.
from the aerosol can.
one thing's for sure.
i know they will remember how i hummed them the stay awake song.
but never sang it.
because i never learned the lyrics.
sometimes they hum along with me.
always by age 2, sometimes a note or two around age 1.
every time i love to look at the shadow on the yellow curtains,
from the glow of the hall light behind us.
little baby legs draped off on each side of me,
like some kind of pinch that this amazing dream we're living in might actually be real.
and so sometimes i hum it about 100 times to make it go on until their almost fast asleep.
{would you look at those chubby fingers though! SWOON:)}
...
"Stay awake, don't rest your head
Don't lie down upon your bed
While the moon drifts in the skies
Stay awake, don't close your eyes.

Though the world is fast asleep
Though your pillow's soft and deep
You're not sleepy as you seem
Stay awake, don't nod and dream
Stay awake, don't nod and dream."

3 feet

i give you,
the 3 foot tall tongue flipper.
there's just something special about this kid.
i could squish that baby chest chub every day of the week and twice on sunday.
or a million.
whichever.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

golden grahams, almonds, & a peanut or two???

in his defense,
they really were the most amazing chocolate clusters i've ever had in my entire life.
i'm STILL thinking about them.
i can't stop thinking about them!
and i spent almost the entire party going back for more
and more
and more
and more
trying to figure out all of the magical things they held within their milk chocolate vaults of deliciousness.
golden grahams
almonds
a peanut or two???
i will distraught over the matter until i get it replicated.
thank goodness my cousin libby got baptized last saturday so that i could partake.
plus, it IS my favorite church thing EVER to attend.
and not just for the chocolates;)

Saturday, April 12, 2014

#saturday

mostly he doesn't have an ounce of aggression in his entire body,
so this is his shining moment of the entire game.
every time.
and one time he scored a goal when the ball bounced off of his shinguard.
go blue fire megladawns:)

Friday, April 11, 2014

spring break BEGIN:)

10 straight days of not having to get people off to school.
HOORAY!!!
wait, 10 days of people being out of school...

Thursday, April 10, 2014

SWIM KIDS $10 OFF Coupon Code!!!

801.944.8811
...
Last week I woke up and thought,
"swim school. it's time to be thinking about swim school."
then i wiped someone's nose and loaded my dishwasher 
or pried two fighting children off of each other and forgot about it.
then again today while two rowdy kindergarteners were climbing over the baby 
into the back seat of my van yelling about easter eggs and tarantulas in the boys bathroom,
and one of them had a shaved head for hot summer heat on its way this week,
i thought
"swim school. i need to check out swim school."
are you thinking about swim school?
'cause i'm thinking about swim school.
ATTENTION! ATTENTION!
i have swim school figured out for you this year:)
FORGET THE REC CENTER!
reasons to forget the rec center:
1. sweaty
2. steamy
3. rowdy
4. crowded
5. and mostly you're just paying 
for you kid to splash on the 
steps with friends.
yep, i've been there.
i've done that.
i spent over $200 for Brennan to take lessons at our local REC CENTER three summers ago.
after 3 straight months, 4 days a week, and over $200,
he never learned a thing.
ok,
that's a lie,
he did in fact learn how to blow bubbles and splash the other kids in his over sized class.
for over $200.
{did i mention i spent over $200 for this?}
AND HE LEARNED NOTHING.
i sat in the humid confines of a noisy indoor REC CENTER pool,
lined with moms and strollers,
plastic white benches,
and the sounds of screaming children in over sized classes bouncing off of the indoor pool walls.
i'm breaking out into a cold sweat right now remembering it.
being the frugal mama that i am, 
i of course thought that the REC CENTER lessons were good enough.
WRONG.
REC CENTER lessons are a waste of time AND money!
AND
you have to wake up at the crack of dawn {or force your husbands to do so} 
to get the times and days you want.
as far as i'm concerned,
if one of my kids or the dog i don't have aren't the ones getting me up, 
then i have no business being awake when it is dark out.
especially not for rec center swimming lessons.
so here is your answer folks.
it's simple.
here
you 
go.
i've made a comparison for your viewing pleasure.
you're welcome in advance.

3 MONTHS of REC CENTER lessons 
FOUR DAYS A WEEK=
1. ZERO
2. ZILCH
3. NADA swimming skills
4. no floating by himself
5. no swimming by himself

HOWEVER...

AFTER 3 LESSONS with SwimKids last summer, 
only going ONCE A WEEK=

1. floating by himself
2. swimming toward his teacher by himself 
3. rolling onto his back by himself while swimming toward his teacher by himself
4. swimming half of the pool length by himself
5. rolling from back to tummy and tummy to back by himself

AND 
you get to sit in the great outdoors of the infamous "family yard" 
that you've all become so fond of hearing about over the years.
YOU HAVE TO SEE WHAT DAVE HAS DONE TO THE YARD THIS YEAR!
DOUBLED!
TRIPLED!
it's bigger.
LOTS bigger.
no humid confines of a rec center's stuffy indoor pool.
no masses of moms and strollers.
no screaming over sized classes.
instead you will be pampered with a gorgeous pavilion,
unlimited padded patio chairs in the shade or sunshine {whichever you fancy}.
lush horticulture and the sweet chirping sounds of birds that come to feed themselves 
out of variety of bird feeder houses that sit along the creek that runs through the yard.
and best of all...
private lessons 
with teachers who not only KNOW your child's name
but also know who their favorite super hero and disney princess are.
can't
be
beat.

GUYS!!!!!
today is your lucky day.
when you woke up this morning and you stubbed your toe, 
while pouring milk into a sippy cup,
onto the floor you just mopped {or not},
you didn't think it was that lucky.
BUT NOW
it's lucky.
L-U-C-K-Y.
lucky.
{my favorite swimming school establishment} 
is offering an EXCLUSIVE COUPON CODE to my beloved favorites 
in other words: YOU.
readers, friends, and family.
see what i mean?!
L
U
C
K
Y
day.
here are the details:

$10 OFF YOUR TOTAL REGISTRATION.
{this is HUGE my friends. UNHEARD OF.}
enter the
COUPON CODE "EM10"
in the comments section of your registration request.
to begin 
your registration.
You will receive a call back confirmation, at which point you will pay with a Visa or MasterCard.
Don't forget to sign the waiver:)
......
LESSONS BEGIN JUNE 9TH, 2014
{they are also flexible with your schedule and vacation plans!}
OFFER ONLY VALID AT MIDVALE LOCATION
PRIVATE LESSON SPOTS AVAILABLE M-F 8AM-1PM THROUGH AUGUST 8, 2014
PRIVATE LESSONS AGES 2-7.
PARENT TOT CLASS WEDNESDAYS AT 10:30AM 
FOR AGES 4 MONTHS-2 YEARS
{or form your own class time with a minimum of 3 people who want the same day and time.}
WATER KEPT AT 90 DEGREES!
{8 lesson minimum recommended for new beginners.}
{max learning to float by herself on her 2nd swimming lesson last year. 
she was confidently floating by herself by her 3rd lesson.}
...
SIGN UP TODAY!
Don't forget, you get an exclusive
$10 OFF YOUR TOTAL REGISTRATION!!!
enter the
COUPON CODE "EM10"
in the comments section of your registration form.
to begin 
your registration.
anyone can use the code.
share the code.
LOVE THE CODE!
expires August 8th, 2014
you're welcome:)