"experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted." -randy pausch

Thursday, October 1, 2015

because i don't want them getting an inch and taking a mile or something responsible like that.

{she didn't even cry. i have planned for two years for her to cry.
because she has always cried on the first day of anything.
also birthday parties. she cries when we drop her off at birthday parties.
but she didn't cry on her first day of kindergarten. and it was amazing.
i remember driving home thinking i'm so happy that she's so happy
on her first day of kindergarten. and then she came home and told me she didn't want to wear the frozen necklace to school anymore. because it bit the back of her neck all day long.}
max isn't currently sleeping.
this is crazy to me.
she was my BEST sleeper as a baby.
{dean has slept in longer stretches than her earlier, but he is a horrible car seat sleeper, so max STILL wins.}
she would sleep anywhere.
she was like a bird.
all you had to do was cover her up,
and she was out.
it was amazing.
you could transfer her from her crib to her car seat and back to her crib,
and she wouldn't even open one lid.
we would take her to movies.
out to dinner.
to appointments.
any time of the day!
and i never had to worry about having a fussy baby with me.
i didn't even really need to feed her to keep her happy.
she would take giant naps twice a day and sleep from 7:30pm-10am as she got older.
and she NEVER cried.
like NOT EVER.
i'm not kidding,
and i know you don't believe me,
because i wouldn't believe me,
except for i saw it with my very own eyes.
also, i have witnesses.
not even for her shots.
the nurse for our old pediatrician STILL comments about it 
when we see her because she couldn't believe it either.
she was a dream baby.
the ones you only hear about,
and i swear to you she was my gift from heaven for not killing brennan,
who literally screamed for 16 hours a day.
god bless baby max because we probably wouldn't have had any more kids if it hadn't been for her.
so this amazing max,
is a worrier.
when she's laying in bed at night she yells down things like
"are you guys still there?"
"did you lock the doors?"
"i saw a shadow!"
"i'm scared!"
"i need someone to lay with me!"
have you ever read llama llama red pajama?
or any of the junie b jones books?
well they are max
we've taught her to look at books while she's falling asleep.
put water bottles by her bed.
set up multiple night lights
baby dolls
and the dang dodgers hello kitty animal the plowman's gave her {go giants!!!}
it's like a full on flea market in her bed at night.
these are the things she requires to fall asleep.
also brennan not being in there.
well now,
she wakes up in the night.
turns on ALL of the lights.
which wakes up chase.
who wakes up us.
so we put them all back to bed,
turn off the lights,
and then some awful repeat button gets pushed 
and this process gets repeated in 1 hour to 3 hour cycles all night long.
i'm known as a night owl.
i now go to bed at 10pm every night.
sometimes 9:30.
'nuff said.
we've tried every piece of advice anyone has to offer.
rocks to take her bad dreams 
{although she doesn't complain of bad dreams 
because i swear this child isn't in a deep enough sleep to have dreams anyway--
but like i said, we're trying everything.}
telling her to say prayers when she wakes up,
telling her she doesn't need to come in and wake us up.
spending more alone time with her during the day
spending more alone time with her at bedtime.
singing the sound of music.
you name it,
we've tried it.
and i'm thinking that maybe
it just can't be fixed.
and this morning,
while sean and i were laying in bed,
he started laughing,
and i was all talking in desperation like,
"we did everything right!
we taught them how to sleep in their own beds!
we didn't spoil her as a baby!
healthy sleep habbits!
no milk in the night!"
and he was all,
"i know, that's why it's funny."
and then i was all
"i get why people forget about doing things the right way with the fourth,
because by then you know none of it matters anyway."
and then i heard chase banging on the wall,
because by this point i had put them both in the same room
hoping THAT would help.
desperation folks.
it leads you to do CRAZY things.
like thinking two little kids will go to back to sleep at 6:15am if you put them in the same room MAYBE????
so of course that didn't end well,
and i ended up putting chase in time out at 6:42am for talking.
because i don't want them getting an inch and taking a mile or something responsible like that.
and i'm pretty sure that's when i decided that i should send chase to preschool today,
even though maybe he still had a lingering cough.

and do you wanna know what they're doing 
upstairs in their rooms?
playing "nighttime".
where they lay in their beds and pretend to sleep.
they turn off all the lights so it's dark.
and close the blinds so it's dark.
i know.
how 'bout THAT to give a gal a good laugh.
good grief.
i love these crazy kids.

Wednesday, September 30, 2015

the drawer in the coffee table was NOT in fact stuck!

the drawer in the coffee table was NOT in fact stuck.
it was jammed:)
jammed hiding every last one of the original CARS cast.
and about 50 other prized posessions from brennan's toddler years 
that haven't seen the light of day since before we bought this house.
also sean's little key chain skeleton.
sean's little key chain skeleton!
does anyone remember the key chain skeleton?!
see max's hand below!
it once was lost,
and now is found. 
it's like christmas day over here folks.
and chase takes inventory of where each one "his" cars 
have moved around throughout the house all the live long day.
don't you DARE try to take his prized three: 
the king, 
the announcer, 
and "dirty" mcqueen 
{it has mud painted on him--no coconut and lime added here}.
not ever!
brennan almost lost an arm over the ordeal.
ye be warned.
{this moment brought to you by chase ripping the drawer out of the coffee table
while i was nursing...}

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

just call us the smurf's

my family in toothbrushes.
and smurf's.
sean's mom gave us these.
b/c she said it was us.
i LOVE stuff like this.
little sus's that aren't really anything,
but they just fit you.
brennan picked the angry one.
he thinks the face is so funny.
we assigned chase the glasses guy.
he has since switched to papa.
so now i don't have to squint at 7:30am to figure out who's is who's.
that chase. smart man;)

Sunday, September 27, 2015

letters to Emily {German Flea Market, America not Being #1, and thoughts on Smith & Bear}

Hello Mrs. Beautiful Emiline Gibson!
I am writing you a letter letting, in response to your amazing letter you wrote me.... Oh how funny! Shaving cream, spider dreams, popsicle apologies. You got it all in there. I must say, you are such an inspiration to me. You definitlely know how to endure. I am so proud of you. Germany is great, it's all boots and scarves around here. Full on fall time. Still nice but sweater weather. these pictures are from the Heidelberger herbst. It is a HUGE flea market and so much fun. They have good food and fun things to buy. I didn't actually mean to send all of the ones I sent but it just all downloaded. I started taking a german course on Monday and Wednesday nights. It's been really fun, other than riding my bike home in the rain at night. Luckily it's only an 8 minute bike ride. I met a really cute Russian girl that is so sweet. Her name is Alla. Of course I am only brushing the surface with all these updates, because we all know there is deep and profound things happening inside most people. Especially innocent and anxious mothers full of anxious love. (a line from a song) I have been able to relax and reflect since I have been, now what I call "home", which is so strange to me. If you don't want to confuse your self just stay living in the states for the rest of your life. Because once you live over seas you are never the same. Your perspective on your home country is forever changed and you long for that sweet innocent memory of America being #1. Not that it isn't because it is great, but I don't think there is a competition for it anymore, not with me anyway.

As I wake up Smith everyday, I feel such immense gratitude that I get to be the one that does this for him, of course that is buried down deep inside when my alarm goes off at 6:30, but once I walk into his room and pick him up from his bed and dress him, I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. How did I get so blessed to have this sweet boy. Who is always happy. He is such a light in my life. Bear's cast comes off in a couple weeks, and I cannot tell you how ready I am for his cast to come off. I want to get a saw and saw it off sometimes!! He keeps saying, "I'll be big when my cast comes off. I will run really fast when my cast comes off." It's really sweet and sad at the same time. I cannot wait for conference. like, CANNOT. WAIT. I love conference so much. The news of elder Scott dying was so sad, because his talks are usually some of my favorites. Anyway, I love and think about you often and I hope you are happy and you have a fabulous fall!!

love you
and a day,
beth jane.

Thursday, September 24, 2015

letters to Beth {spiders in a tree, being flexible, and sean's out of shaving cream now}

{that skipper though...woo woo!}
dear beth,
guten morgen!!!
today was a perfect thursday morning here in the gibson house of chaos.
see, thursday mornings have the potential to be horrendous.
sean has a 7am meeting,
so i am left to fend for myself with three kids that need to get to school and a breastfeeding dean.
but today, mmm, it was good.
max came in at 6:40, which normally would irritate me,
but i was in the middle of a spider dream,
where there was this tree we were going to put back in our yard {in the dream we had taken a full grown tree out of our yard for i don't know why, and we were going to move it back now because we wanted it back--don't ask me why, it was just what was going on in my crazy dream. apparently i want a tree in my yard that used to be there but really in real life has never really been there}.
so the tree.
it was INFESTED with spiders.
and i kept thinking about should we spray the tree before we move it back to our yard because there were too many to kill on our own,
but then i couldn't make peace with that idea because i was remembering the KSL article i read last week about the home in midvale that's infested with spiders and the pest control people have told them to NOT spray because it will drive the spiders into the house,
and i was worried that if we sprayed the tree it would drive the spiders out of the tree and into the house, even though this FULLY GROWN tree wasn't even planted in our yard anyway,
we were just going to be moving back there.
i remember thinking that i didn't want to spray the tree and have the spiders all come out and make their way to our house or into my car,
which wasn't actually my car.
i was using this old mustang of this kid i went to high school with,
so instead we just moved the rest of our stuff which was now entering our my dream and needed to be moved back into our house.
i finally decided that we would just forget about moving the tree back because i decided it wasn't worth it to risk having all of the spiders come into the house.
like this looked like a couple of thousand of years old tree.
i'm thinking that it was actually a pretty amazing dream though because i real life i have a hard time letting things go when i have my heart set on them,
and in this dream i REALLY had my heart set on having this tree in my yard.
but with the spiders and all it just wasn't working out.
and i think what this dream was trying to tell me was that i'm learning to let things go.
the things that i might have my heart set on sometimes just aren't meant to go the way i always want them to go.
and i'm not even talking about anything in particular here.
no hidden message!
i'm talking about like being flexible.
which is something 4th baby dean has really changed in me.
like sometimes we have to do homework three different times in the night to get it all done,
and in two different places.
like maybe we start in the kitchen,
and then later we take a clipboard out onto the porch.
kind of like,
it's not about finishing things just to finish them and be done,
but more like just being settled in whatever moment we're in,
and not being so focused on getting the job done so we can move to the next.
like one day i will clean one bathroom,
and two days later i will clean two more,
but i don't have to have it all done on the same day all at once anymore.
because that just doesn't work for my life right now.
i'm telling you,
i feel all grown up about this.
and it's amazing.
and i know it's for real maturity because the thought process is crossing over into my dreams.
dreams NEVER lie!
they always tell me the truth about what i'm really feeling.
and why did i get to have this dream you ask?
because baby dean is consistently starting to sleep 10-12 hours every night.
yes my friend IT'S TRUE!!!
which is why i wasn't mad when max woke me up ten minutes before my alarm,
but i had already been asleep for 7 UNINTERRUPTED hours of glorious glorious sleep:)
which is also why i got out of bed happy.
really really happy!
also a little bit because i wasn't dreaming about spiders and spider webs anymore
{i think the spiders were in the dream bc ann marie and i went walking the other night and there was a big black recluse on the cement wall when we walked past it and it haunted me the rest of the walk}.
so then i got max all fed and ready and made brennan's lunch,
with ALL of my heart that dean wouldn't wake up 
until the A-team {brennan and max} got off to school,
{because i knew i wouldn't have time to nurse him 
if he did and the man hadn't eaten since 8:15 the night before},
and then i woke brennan up and got him all fed and ready 
{while miraculously max quietly entertained herself with playing cars in the big room},
and then right on cue chase came down the stairs as i was waving goodbye to max and brennan getting into susie's car for morning carpool,
so i got HIM all dressed and fed and ready,
and then JUST as he walking over to watch cartoons for the half an hour we had left before i needed to drive him to school,
dean woke up, nursed,
and then it was time to take chase to school.
i can't even tell you how amazing this all felt!
my children make me feel smart when they do all of these wonderful things for me on the very same day.
they are geniuses i say!
also, all of my praying helped i'm sure.
now i intend to shower,
do laundry,
and play pretend i only have one baby for the next 45 minutes before i leave to pick them all up from school again.
this is the life of a mother of 4 children and i love it.
i mean, when things go really great it's easy to love.
pray for me on thursdays
because lord knows they can't all go well.
which i guess means that some thursdays i'll have to decide that the spiders in the tree just aren't moving the fully grown tree into our backyard for.
which i think means maybe brennan might take hot lunch on some thursdays,
and maybe we'll have to turn on the tv sometimes too.
but not today.
not today:)
i'm so glad max woke me up from that dream!
{bad news: our plan failed. my kids think that breakfast for dinner 
is ACTUALLY breakfast for dinner. i gave it to them for breakfast too much. 
and now they think it's breakfast for dinner, not dinner for breakfast like we planned. dang it.}
{i gave in and canned salsa. SO GLAD I DID! 
except poor chase rubbed onion juice into his eyes. it was so so so sad.}
{the mini fridge in our bedroom that we put there SOLELY for chase's sippy of milk when dean was a newborn and we just needed chase to go back to sleep. man i think we've got him trained out of that now, so when i went to unplug it and wipe up all the water from the icebox, i found a frozen wonder woman and superman getting frisky together. these kids make me laugh. i wonder how long they've been in there anyway?}
{he peed on me. i took this picture.}
{then chase threw a plastic blue shovel in the air, and the tip landed right on dean's left side of his forehead. it was the saddest thing i've ever seen. so i let him have a few licks of my popsicle.}
{brennan can REALLY REALLY read now. like reading chapter books TO HIMSELF are in our near future. i can't even believe it. have never felt so proud!}

max's story?
chase pulled her into the shower,
covered HER in shaving cream ALL over HER.
i couldn't even get mad b/c i was laughing so hard.
i'm going to text you the video.
i've watched it about 3 thousand times, and i laugh harder and harder every time i watch it.
"ok, so chaser went in the shower, pulled me in, he did it all over me, riiiiight?"
and that was how it went down.
i mean it's a good thing i wasn't on a full bladder or anything b/c it's really that funny.

how's life back in germany?
how's bear's leg healing?
are the boys back in school yet?
send me pictures of germany in fall please.
i'm lusting for cooler temps, but the weather man says we're in for 90's still this weekend.
i love you!
i miss you!
what are you cooking?


Monday, September 21, 2015

cake in a mug

cake in a mug.
go forth and make them.
you're welcome. 
1. make your box of cake mix.
2. spray your mugs with pam.
3. 1/2 cup cake mix in each mug.
4. cook for 1 min. in microwave.
5. add your frosting.
{god bless susie swensen and her genius FHE treats.}
the end.